Searching For Beauty Among The Ashes
Matt, Christmas is in 15 days. I’m trying to hold on. This will be our 6th Christmas without you and I can say it hasn’t gotten any easier. I’ve decorated the house. Not like I used to but it...
View ArticleMary Did You Know??
Matt, Christmas is in 4 days and I’m struggling with bouts of grief. The waves come and go at unexpected times as a memory from your childhood finds its way into my brain. Seeing you as an...
View ArticleWalking On Thin Ice
Matt, It’s 5:21 on January 2nd. Six years ago you were still alive. I remember our conversation. It was Saturday evening and you were on your way home to the sober home where you were staying...
View ArticleThe Broken Road To Self Forgiveness
Matt, I’ve spent the last 6 years grieving your death. I’ve also spent the last 6 years beating myself up with guilt. It seems my emotions swing between the two, but lately the guilt has been...
View ArticleGo Ahead and Call Me Crazy
Matt, I know it’s been a while since I’ve written. I feel like I’ve been hit by a tsunami and I’m still struggling to come up for air. For some reason, the holidays smacked me in the face as...
View ArticleSurviving Mothers Day One Breath At A Time
Matt, It’s finally May. The gardens are in bloom, the weather is finally getting warm. I lay in bed and listen to the birds singing outside my window. I love the rebirth of the earth that...
View ArticleSome Days You Just Have To Cry
Matt, Memorial Day weekend has come and gone. The weather mimicking my soul. The day was cold and dreary. A typical Memorial Day weekend in Delaware. My mind kept going back to happier, sunny...
View ArticleMissing The Me I used To Be
Matt, There are days I don’t recognize myself anymore. I though grieving you would be the biggest hurdle of my life. I’m finding that grieving who I used to be is becoming a hurdle that seems...
View Article44 and So Much More
Matt, tomorrow, July 30th will be your 44th birthday. Sadly you no longer live on earth, you were called to heaven seven birthdays ago. Today my mood changes like the waves of the ocean we both...
View ArticleInternational Overdose Awareness Day
Matt, In two days it will be International Overdose Awareness Day. It really is a day I wish I knew nothing about. Even after 6 years the reality of life continues to hit hard. I miss you...
View ArticleMadness VS. Mindfulness
Matt, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. August is all about Overdose Awareness. Everywhere I look on social media there are pictures of beautiful, smiling faces all lost to overdose. Posted by...
View ArticleBroken And Blessed
Matt, The summer has ended and Fall has begun. Everyday the geese fly over the house honking as if to say we are here, we are home. I stop and listen thinking of you. How we both would stop...
View ArticlePieces of You, Pieces of Me
Matt, It’s been 82 months since your death and I foolishly thought I was ready to donate your winter clothing to the homeless addicts living in Kensington. I have become part of a group of mom’s...
View ArticleThankfully Broken
As Thanksgiving approaches I’m finding it hard to be thankful. My grief has returned and has decided to batter my already damaged heart. My family is broken and can never be returned to what it...
View ArticleKicking & Screaming Into The Holiday Season
Matt, Christmas is in twelve days. This will be the seventh Christmas without you. Funny how I fooled myself into thinking this year would have to be easier than the past years. After all, how...
View ArticleIt’s So Much More Than Just A Tree
For so many the holidays are a time of cheer. Decorating homes and family gatherings are a huge part of everyone’s plans. The expectation of a perfect holiday season is evident every where you look....
View ArticleNew Year Same Grief ♥️
Matt, Seven years ago you wore this hat celebrating what we thought was going to be the best year ever. You spent New Years Eve at a meeting and posted how great it felt to be doing the right thing....
View ArticleAnd Just Like That It’s Been 7 Years
Matt, today is your seventh angelversary. I asked for a sign that you are at peace and I woke to a snow storm. You loved the snow. The last time it snowed like this was when I was trying to fly...
View ArticleI Don’t Want To Be This Me.
Matt, Before your death, I was perfectly happy with my life. I thought being a wife, mom, grandmother and nurse was my total purpose in life. I was content going through life doing my thing and...
View ArticleThe Darkness Rolled In
Matt, today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The sky is a magnificent shade of blue. I should be able to enjoy the beauty but today my darkness found me. I never know when it will return...
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